Why do I still miss my ex?

Dear Angelica,

I’ve only had one boyfriend. Reflecting, he never cared about me that much.I remember this episode, exactly a year ago, I made him cookies and sent them to him and he wouldn’t even go to the post office to get them! Anyhow, he dumped me in March. I’ve seen him a couple times since, and texted with him. So  it’s been NINE MONTHS since I was dumped…Yet even now, when a pic of him pops up on facebook, I catch my breathe and look, or even save it if it reminds me of a happy time.

I’m a university sophmore. I feel like I should be stronger than this.

After my ex dumped me, I had an “almost” relationship with a guy I’d known all my life. If I could trust anyone, it was him…Til he found a 15 year old more appealing. This ‘trusted’ guy had the guts to tell me  God told him not to date me. I was replaced that fast. I’m just having one of those nights. Why do I miss my ex, who  never really cared about me? It’s been three quarters of a year.

Lonely

Dear Angelica Answers:

Dear Lonely,

you miss the boyfriend because you are a sensitive human being who has feelings and does not take dating as a temporary sexual game that will last until someone more interesting comes along. The problem is that guys are more prone to want to play the sexual game rather than settle down and since they can sex without settling down, why not?

I am not saying all men are dogs, but according to my experience women have a stronger need for closeness and protection and tend to get more attached emotionally after a sexual relationship is started. I know, this does not sound “modern” enough and yet I feel it is true. We are the softer, more tender gender and that is a strength in itself but at times can be very hurtful.
It takes time to get over deep hurt and rejection. Accept that while at the same time forcing yourself to have nothing else to do with him. He will hurt you again, maybe even without trying. And I don’t think you are ready for another relationship either, you’re are too hurt to be able to rely on your good judgement right now. Time has a way to help with pain.

Take up a hobby, join a group, learn a craft, occupy your free time in a light hearted way so as to start feeling more positive about yourself. Don’t feel stupid about sticking with someone who didn’t love you, look at it as part of becoming a stronger woman. I feel confident you will get over him in a few more months . Best wishes to you, Angelica

DEAR ANGELICA Advice Column

Your Family, Relationship,Culture,Travel and Much More Advice Column. From a European born American

Skip to toolbar