I’ve been married for over 18+ years, I have teenagers. Marriage was good until 4 years ago I started realizing I was missing affection, intimacy, and sex from wife. Sex has been 1-2 times per month. Wife does not do anything other than lay there, I wanted marriage or sex therapy but she did not want it. I feel lonely, she is good at taking care of the house for which I help and am open to do anything I can to make this work. But she just does not seem to understand how important intimacy and sex is for me in this marriage. Recently I met another woman and what I thought I could never do happened, I fell in love with her and now have cheated on my spouse by having sex. Am in love with the other woman and feel like leaving my wife/family for her. We are very emotionally connected,it is not the sex although sex has been good. I know there’s no excuse for cheating, am not even having sex with wife since I started with the other woman and my wife does not even mind.It is as if we were just friends. I am so frustrated, I know I broke marriage bows, but am at the point where I want to move with other woman and start a new life. What should I do?
Dear Angelica answers:
This is quite a difficult situation. I appreciate that you are considerate enough not to have sex with your wife since you have engaged in a sexual relationship with another woman.It will protect your wife from STD if that should ever be a problem. I also appreciate and believe that you have a desire to work things out, however the other woman seems to be the easiest way out at this point. With teenagers children involved it will be even more difficult. Truth of the matter is that kids hardly ever get over a divorce, no matter how early or late in life it comes they would rather have a united family to go back too with their families as they move on and get married. Divorce also gives a message that marriage is not really a commitment for good and for bad, but a promise that can be broken when bad comes along. Think too how your kids might view your future wife, that is, as the reason their family broke up. I know you might feel it’s all about others, and what about what YOU want? But you are married and 18 years is a long time.It wasn’t always this bad. Besides, there are no guarantees the story will the new woman will really be a lasting bliss. Let’s face it, marriage is very hard, but in the long run, if people are able to overcome big crises ( such as this one) they can become a lot closer. You said ” I am open to do anything to make this work” . Then, in my opinion, it is time to be completely honest and tell your wife what has happened, the reasons why it happened and what can the two of you fix a very threatened marriage. You must be realistic and strong, you cannot expect that she will kiss and make up. She will be very hurt and very angry. Reassure her that you have your family’s best interest in mind and would like to work it out but you can’t do it without her help. Be prepared to see a see a picture of you (your wife’s point of view) that might be unpleasant and shocking. But she is your partner in a contract called ‘marriage’ and she has a right to the truth and a chance to change things. Best wishes,