To answer that question we must first ask: what IS “Unconditional Love”?
Unconditional Love is a healthy connection rooted in a fundamentally loving and respectful perspective on human beings. That high regard includes your sense of self-worth too, based on the the belief we are all worthy of love.
When you love, and are loved unconditionally, you don’t feel the need to play head games with each other. You know not to take it personally when your partner is in a bad mood, you encourage him/her to talk about their feelings with the patience and compassion needed to get through it. Above all, because it is a TRUSTING, accepting, secure love, that includes respect for the other’s and your own boundaries, you both know you are in it for the long haul, and you can’t see yourselves ever being with anyone else.
Easy-peasy, right?
Not quite. It is easy to confuse “Unconditional Love” with “Boundary-less Love”, but they are not the same. Unconditional love is healthy, Boundary-less love is not. It is easy to misconstrue the “Unconditional Love”
meaning by interpreting it to mean that you’re justified in loving your partner no matter how they badly they treat you. Abuse hates boundaries. To recognize the differences, we must let these two different kinds of love speak.
“Unconditional Love” says: You can be your authentic self with me. My love for you is not dependent on a performance. I love and accept you, including your flaws and weaknesses. I choose to be with you because I trust you and know you will never willfully hurt me.
“Boundary-less” love says: I love you, no matter what. You can behave in any way you like, without consequences for our relationship. You are not bound by truthfulness or respect and I accept that because I am committed to take you the way you are, and I will stick by you even if your actions compromise my own integrity, health, spirit and needs.
Can you HEAR and SEE the difference? Most importantly, can you see the outcome for everyone involved? One kind of love fosters security, mental health, trust and has an outlook on the future. The other one simply does not. You now have the tools to decide which one you should choose.